I Don’t Wanna Be Loved….I DON’T Wanna Be Loved??? Huh?

...oh the days when it was cool to love and value women.

I was listening to the radio the other day, which I rarely do, because no matter how much you like a song, you hate it when it is played every seven minutes and twenty-three seconds, and I heard this song that was jammin!  I turned the radio up, and started to groove, not so much listening to the lyrics, and then I heard the hook…I don’t wanna be loved, I don’t wanna be love, I just want a quickie….I found myself reminding myself to close my mouth.  I’m so disturbed because I can only imagine that this song is considered a contemporary “slow jam”….Someone’s lil girl is being seduced by some boy passionately suggesting that she be his quickie buddy, and that being able to separate feelings from sex is a sign of maturity. I would venture to say that in previous generations there were definitely girls who went for this, or felt empowered by being able to have meaningless sex, but it seems that this girl is quickly becoming the rule, not the exception?  Is that acceptable?  Perhaps this evolution isn’t an issue at all.  Where should young people learn about romance, and what they should expect from a mature romantic relationship?  Where did we learn this?

Is there anything on the airwaves for popular urban music that is giving this generation even the semblance of heterosexual romance or love?  Anything on these types of stations that might tell a young girl that when she grows up a young man will come along that she will fall in love with, who will show her that he loves her and wants to be with her and spend the rest of his life loving her?  Ok, well how about a song that will tell her that she has value beyond her sex appeal, sexual skills?  As I continued listening I found that the station was dominated with explicit sexual messages about the male prowess, ability to make a young lady wet the bed, make her legs shake, describing women as accessories, bros before hoes (super homo)mentality or “empowered” women spewing aggression and claims of finding pleasure in the use of whips and chains in sex.  There were very few exceptions.  Of course, the line up has to be no more than about 15 songs repeated throughout the day.  Recognizing that the listening demographic is likely 13-25 I have to ask what kind of character development this supports.  While I’m sure we can all agree that there is definitely a sector of parents that cannot be relied on to shape their child’s development along these lines, so is there a responsibility of artists to consider the messages they are sending?  Could part of the responsibility fall on the stations that air the music?  Or, am I just showing my age by even seeing an issue?  idk. let’s go!

oh yeah, guess who’s bizzack. I shouldn’t a left you, without a dope beat to step to!  



Dutch? I’m sorry, could you please speak American?

Ok, first “What Would Claire Do?” refers to our favorite family sitcom mom, Claire Huxtable.  When it comes to relationships we often ask ourselves WWCD?  So, it seemed a fitting category name for when we discuss relationships….as we were…

Okay, so apparently there is a growing trend in the dating world.  If you’re like me, you probably took pause at “Dating world”.  Yeah, turns out there is one out there.  I’m gonna blame my absence from this world on the various growing trends including the one that I’m finna discuss rat ‘chere…going dutch!  WTF!  Really.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m alllll about give and take in a relationship.  However, call me a traditionalist but ummmm, me paying is pretty much the impetus of a convenient headache,  a desert drawers inducing, antithesis of an aphrodisiac; a true  panty dryer.  After watching a wonderfully depressing movie last night, Love and Other Drugs , the main character makes a reference to having to give people something for their time and points out that “no one ever got laid going dutch”.  What an astute observation.  It seems that more and more of us are buying into the trend that being progressive means that you pay for yourself, or take turns paying the bill.  Maaannn F@UK THAT!!!  I am not wholly opposed to paying.  I am opposed to you inviting me out on a date and expecting me to pay for myself.  I will assume that I am paying for myself, however you should know men, I use the term loosely  if you allow me to pay for myself, any future potential we may have had has probably been left on the table with the tip.  jussayin.

Now we aren’t unreasonable gold digging ratchety wretches.  We have both been the woman to guys who didn’t have a dime to their names.  Wining and dining me isn’t the issue.  Let me clear my throat make it plain.  It’s not so much your ability to pay, but quite simply, your willingness and desire to pay is translated by the female mind as an expression of where she stands in your list of priorities, interests, cares, desires etc.  

So, in order to justify my thug  and ensure that this isn’t some “men suck” rant, I asked the opinion of a  keep it real to the point of err on the side of being an @ss hole trusted member of the mens in ‘nem group. Know what he said?  Of course not, I didn’t tell ya yet!  He eloquently responded that the notion of going Dutch is “WACK.  Shouldn’t happen unless clear friends, but I’m not a big fan of splitting checks in general.  Even friends can just alternate.”  Well put sir, well put.

Generally speaking, depending on the time spent and depth of the relationship, if you plan to do the horizontal mambo with this lady, she really needs to think she is at least in the top 5 of a 15 point list….yep, first date included.    It’s necessary cause ya know, men are generally flaky when it comes to relationships and attraction.  Non?(that’s French for no, see how I try to help ya’ll be cultured and sh!t (each one teach one.) 

If by chance you luck up on a situation where you are being laid with the panties despite doing the dumb dutch date ish,(you see what I did right there?) understand a couple of things….1. you may be the “D!ck in a glass”-your role is to handle bid’ness in the boudoir, and handle it well!  Play your role!  2. “Sugar Momma” You lucked up with a desperate/controlling chick who is willing to be with a guy that she can manipulate keep with her money, cause trust she will use it against you eventually, or 3.  the “heiress”-money is not an object and she’s used to having to pay for everyone in her life, or finally 4. “Naive”-this poor sweet girl believed them when they said going dutch is how you get ahead a man.  I was taught that a man who cares about you, is interested or intrigued by you will want to treat you, do for you, eventually provide for you and other such things.  Given that women can earn like men these days, this is not the burden it used to be.  If you don’t have it this rip and we are in a relationship and I do have it, no problem!  I gotcha babe.    Otherwise, I consider you handing me the big drawers with my share of the check.  I don’t even like big drawers! Keep those raggedy drawers!  

In my life I have encountered two guys who were members of the aint nothing wrong with going Dutch crew.  The first took me to an all you can eat shrimp buffet, which was free with the purchase two drinks.  I had beer…domestic.  Conversation revealed that he was a fan of Dutch or taking turns.  I paid for myself and never answered another call.  The other, well, in the words of Naughty by Nature, that’s not that simple. But I’ll try…it started out as friends, after which the type of relationship we had, became unclear, but was clarified by my consistently paying for myself on outings.  FRIENDS.  All good though.  You live and you learn. ( I’ve done both.)

Seriously, going Dutch may not be a deal breaker but it can be a game changer.  Consider this illustration for comparison  If you have two great women and one willingly gives you “sweet-n-low”( term for oral used by my fave gays in ATL), which one are you gonna spend more time with?  I think I’m pretty clear on exactly what Claire would do but what say you, enlightened, progressive, traditional people?


So you’re just gonna ask what they think without asking me?

((Jumping on soapbox))

So what’s funny is (but not really)...there are really still cats out here like this…of all the things that are now extinct…this can’t be one of em??!!! Geez, as much as I would love to debate you…I’m in total agreement on this.  Of course, once a relationship or even just a clearly defined and palpable understanding is established, I don’t mind reaching in my stash to contribute.  I really hate that chivalry died-btw nobody called and told me NOTHING… because it really worked!!  This new age “dating” has us all running around crazy.  I kinda think anyone who asks you to go Dutch….just really aint all that into you boo!  To think of it…I haven’t had ONE relationship result from a Dutch date…and I’ve had some relationships.  Oh wait, there was the guy who paid for drinks, but told me he refused to pay the tip, and I’d have to contribute something…umm..the bill was like all of $25…I paid no tip (it was the principle of the matter)…and yep…you guessed it… panties were very dry….and no, I never wanted to see him again. Petty? Maybe…but I’ll let you “progressive” chicks have him…