More than a Game Changer, A NAME Changer

Two weeks ago was a random Thursday that became a very significant Thursday when the man of my life suggested we call our minister to see if he would have time to marry us that afternoon. And at three p.m. I became a Mrs.! Good stuff! Taking a break from law school apps to have my name legally changed, I now sit in the SSA office waiting for A35 to become A53 and I allow myself a moment to give the due consideration to the magnitude of what I’ve just committed myself to. I am changing my name. I am changing MY name!!! In moments I will have a new identity, I will invent a new person and my former identity ceases to be. Heavy. I know I will still be myself and it won’t improve my credit score either nonetheless…I give up my name for someone else’s.  While I’m sure a lot of women are as selective as I have been when it comes to identifying a potential husband, I wonder if they all really consider the magnitude of what we are giving up, the principal behind it all.  The following is likely a collection of disjointed ramblings, competing mildly related thoughts…ride wit me

Despite my charm, an IQ that qualifies me for MENSA and my LSAT score, good looks, quick wit and I could go on but I don’t like to brag, my life to this point has been one of many lessons learned, unexpected changes and well-earned bumps and bruises.  Simply put, while my achievements to this point may not get me in the Journal, it has been  a pretty epic ride.  But last Thursday, I jumped out the window, no parachute.  Him? Still a Mr., last name unchanged and he gained a live-in chef, a maid with mild cleaning related OC tendencies on top of all the other phenomenal woman/mother/wife stuff.  I definitely did not get the short end of the stick as he is pretty darn magnificent as well, but I have relinquished a great deal of independence in addition to the selfishness we all must give up.  I am now identified as a wife because of three letters and a period: Mrs.   I suppose for me the idea of packing up my place and changing my name is symbolic of packing up all of the history that contributed to me becoming Brookes, placing it into a box and moving into the next phase of my development, embarking on the next leg of the journey of life and it demands that I take a pause to reflect.  

My pastor recently mentioned the significance of taking the time to appreciate the season you’re leaving as you enter a new one.  So, as I move into the next season with an excitement that can’t be contained, anticipation of an even greater run than the last, fearlessness and a great deal of faith, I respectfully process all that has happened in the previous season, good and bad.  I courageously release all the habits and associations that don’t have a place in the new season, but I neatly pack all the heart-warming memories, the recollections that make me thank God for growth and for grace, the moments that built my strength and my character and prepared me for today and my future, the love and the laughs, and I tuck them away in the corners of my mind.  Feels like that moment at the end of Set It Off when Jada is sitting on the bed laughing and crying.  I’m not gonna shave my head and move to Mexico, but as I add the hyphen to my name it feels similarly.  Life.  What an amazing trip…LET’S GOOOOOOO!!!

Mrs. Brookes

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Dutch? I’m sorry, could you please speak American?

Ok, first “What Would Claire Do?” refers to our favorite family sitcom mom, Claire Huxtable.  When it comes to relationships we often ask ourselves WWCD?  So, it seemed a fitting category name for when we discuss relationships….as we were…

Okay, so apparently there is a growing trend in the dating world.  If you’re like me, you probably took pause at “Dating world”.  Yeah, turns out there is one out there.  I’m gonna blame my absence from this world on the various growing trends including the one that I’m finna discuss rat ‘chere…going dutch!  WTF!  Really.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m alllll about give and take in a relationship.  However, call me a traditionalist but ummmm, me paying is pretty much the impetus of a convenient headache,  a desert drawers inducing, antithesis of an aphrodisiac; a true  panty dryer.  After watching a wonderfully depressing movie last night, Love and Other Drugs , the main character makes a reference to having to give people something for their time and points out that “no one ever got laid going dutch”.  What an astute observation.  It seems that more and more of us are buying into the trend that being progressive means that you pay for yourself, or take turns paying the bill.  Maaannn F@UK THAT!!!  I am not wholly opposed to paying.  I am opposed to you inviting me out on a date and expecting me to pay for myself.  I will assume that I am paying for myself, however you should know men, I use the term loosely  if you allow me to pay for myself, any future potential we may have had has probably been left on the table with the tip.  jussayin.

Now we aren’t unreasonable gold digging ratchety wretches.  We have both been the woman to guys who didn’t have a dime to their names.  Wining and dining me isn’t the issue.  Let me clear my throat make it plain.  It’s not so much your ability to pay, but quite simply, your willingness and desire to pay is translated by the female mind as an expression of where she stands in your list of priorities, interests, cares, desires etc.  

So, in order to justify my thug  and ensure that this isn’t some “men suck” rant, I asked the opinion of a  keep it real to the point of err on the side of being an @ss hole trusted member of the mens in ‘nem group. Know what he said?  Of course not, I didn’t tell ya yet!  He eloquently responded that the notion of going Dutch is “WACK.  Shouldn’t happen unless clear friends, but I’m not a big fan of splitting checks in general.  Even friends can just alternate.”  Well put sir, well put.

Generally speaking, depending on the time spent and depth of the relationship, if you plan to do the horizontal mambo with this lady, she really needs to think she is at least in the top 5 of a 15 point list….yep, first date included.    It’s necessary cause ya know, men are generally flaky when it comes to relationships and attraction.  Non?(that’s French for no, see how I try to help ya’ll be cultured and sh!t (each one teach one.) 

If by chance you luck up on a situation where you are being laid with the panties despite doing the dumb dutch date ish,(you see what I did right there?) understand a couple of things….1. you may be the “D!ck in a glass”-your role is to handle bid’ness in the boudoir, and handle it well!  Play your role!  2. “Sugar Momma” You lucked up with a desperate/controlling chick who is willing to be with a guy that she can manipulate keep with her money, cause trust she will use it against you eventually, or 3.  the “heiress”-money is not an object and she’s used to having to pay for everyone in her life, or finally 4. “Naive”-this poor sweet girl believed them when they said going dutch is how you get ahead a man.  I was taught that a man who cares about you, is interested or intrigued by you will want to treat you, do for you, eventually provide for you and other such things.  Given that women can earn like men these days, this is not the burden it used to be.  If you don’t have it this rip and we are in a relationship and I do have it, no problem!  I gotcha babe.    Otherwise, I consider you handing me the big drawers with my share of the check.  I don’t even like big drawers! Keep those raggedy drawers!  

In my life I have encountered two guys who were members of the aint nothing wrong with going Dutch crew.  The first took me to an all you can eat shrimp buffet, which was free with the purchase two drinks.  I had beer…domestic.  Conversation revealed that he was a fan of Dutch or taking turns.  I paid for myself and never answered another call.  The other, well, in the words of Naughty by Nature, that’s not that simple. But I’ll try…it started out as friends, after which the type of relationship we had, became unclear, but was clarified by my consistently paying for myself on outings.  FRIENDS.  All good though.  You live and you learn. ( I’ve done both.)

Seriously, going Dutch may not be a deal breaker but it can be a game changer.  Consider this illustration for comparison  If you have two great women and one willingly gives you “sweet-n-low”( term for oral used by my fave gays in ATL), which one are you gonna spend more time with?  I think I’m pretty clear on exactly what Claire would do but what say you, enlightened, progressive, traditional people?

-Brookes

So you’re just gonna ask what they think without asking me?

((Jumping on soapbox))

So what’s funny is (but not really)...there are really still cats out here like this…of all the things that are now extinct…this can’t be one of em??!!! Geez, as much as I would love to debate you…I’m in total agreement on this.  Of course, once a relationship or even just a clearly defined and palpable understanding is established, I don’t mind reaching in my stash to contribute.  I really hate that chivalry died-btw nobody called and told me NOTHING… because it really worked!!  This new age “dating” has us all running around crazy.  I kinda think anyone who asks you to go Dutch….just really aint all that into you boo!  To think of it…I haven’t had ONE relationship result from a Dutch date…and I’ve had some relationships.  Oh wait, there was the guy who paid for drinks, but told me he refused to pay the tip, and I’d have to contribute something…umm..the bill was like all of $25…I paid no tip (it was the principle of the matter)…and yep…you guessed it… panties were very dry….and no, I never wanted to see him again. Petty? Maybe…but I’ll let you “progressive” chicks have him…

-Z

Introducing…Just like regular chicks, except not @ all

Welcome to our blog!!!  Allow us to introduce ourselves…

Here are a few questions you might ask as we begin this relationship and the answers.

Why did we start this blog?  Well, recognizing how thoroughly entertaining our daily conversations are to us, we realized that they would be equally if not more entertaining to others, and who are we to deprive the world of such insightful entertainment…we’re us but we decided to share anyway.

What should you expect?  Well, you can expect whatever you want to, however what you receive might be quite different…like bill collectors and Sallie Mae, you can keep on expecting, but we like to be full of surprises around here.  Seriously, our conversations run the gamut of everything from parenting, to politics, to relationships, to sex, to relationships, to music, to religion, to bowel movements, food and diet, beauty, relationships….and all kinds of other nonsense along the way.  WE ARE WOMEN….which leads into the next W…

Who are we?  Well, we are women.  In fact, we are a couple of the most womanly women I know, except as the name suggests, we don’t actually know too many other women quite like us.  Are there others?  Possibly, but we’re the only two in this room sooo, yeah, while we are quite regular, we actually aren’t at all.  What this means is, we are quite down to earth, though we’ve been called angels, goddesses, aliens, “different” and the like, but we manage to truly be every woman, at the same time…especially when hormonal, and that can really keep things spicy be an issue at times, but I digress.  We are just a couple of women who are feminine and yet think like men from time to time, we don’t like boys who cry but we love children, God, food, life, music, love, lists, commas,,, so forth and so on.

What we are not.  We do not hold degrees in English, so you can take your integers and past participles and leave them anywhere you want.  Not interested in ensuring that we sustain the same verb tense throughout.  We work and raise babies so generally don’t care too much bout dat.  We are not journalists.  We may quote reliable sources, but don’t solely depend upon us to fact check.  Keep in mind, everything we’re not made us everything we are…Anyhow, we’re just trying to have some fun…play with us?  Yes! You know you want to.

P.S. Did you notice a pattern throughout this post?  Well, don’t get too used to that….aaaand here we go!